OUR CHRONIC HOLIDAY GLUT

As in years past, 2023 will enjoy 11 legal holidays. That averages out to about a break day every 33 days or so. While at first blush that seems great, there is a problem in that the holidays are bunched together, so the benefit of the average is way off.

Think about it. Christmas, New Year's and MLK Jr fall within the span of but 22 days. Then you go a short while to the next day off, President's Day (Feb 20). After that, there's almost a third of a year wait (!), 98 days, before Memorial Day. That long wait is during the bleakest winter and rainy spring days, when people are most in need of cheering up. And please don't tell me about St. Patrick's or Easter. While a cause for much merriment, St. Pat's does not provide for a day off from work, and as for Easter, you'd think Our Lord and Savior would have had the foresight to rise on Easter Monday. After all, he did have the good sense to be born on December 25 so we could celebrate Christmas. And forget about snow days. Global warming has taken care of that.

What we need is a realignment of holidays, spacing them out more appropriately. The exception that proves the rule is Christmas and New Year's. The reason? By wasting just four vacation days, with the two holidays and weekend sandwiched between, you get a 10-day vacation.

That leaves us with: Christmas--Dec. 25

New Year's--Jan. 1

MLK Jr--Feb. 1

Presidents' Day--March 10

Memorial Day--April 20

Juneteenth--May 10

Independence Day--June 10

Labor Day--July 15

Columbus Day--Aug. 15

Veterans Day--Oct. 1

Thanksgiving--Nov. 15

A lot of these sync up nicely. Some are a bit off. MLK Jr. wasn't born in February, but neither were all the presidents and you don't hear them complaining. And Juneteenth wasn't in May, but it's not even a word. Moreover, while Labor Day historically was in September, women are going into labor every day of the year, and people work most of those days.

No need to thank me, America. Just doing my bit to ease our pain.