HOW SWEET IT IS
The BBC announced earlier this month that police arrested a man who stole a semi containing 200,000 Cadbury Creme Eggs. This could have wreaked havoc on the Brits' upcoming Easter celebrations, or at the least, made it somewhat less eggs-cellent. My wife, one of the gentlest souls I know, also happens to be a chocoholic and is now reconsidering her position on capital punishment.
The parcel's value was estimated at $48,000. The bobbies, who apparently have little serious crime to deal with, set up road blocks and nabbed the sweet toothed thief near junction 11 on the M42 highway, which could also be in New Jersey inasmuch as all their roadways seemingly have no names, just numerical designations. The police did state that the theft was premeditated. I guess it takes the trained detective mind to discern that hijacking an 18-wheeler filled with chocolate is not a spur of the moment crime, but then again, what do I know? My detective skills are limited to watching Shawn and Gus yuck it up on Psych reruns.
Those of you who read the Tuesday Blog know that I studiously refrain from discussing politics. As former president Trump would say, there are very good people on both sides, who would love to kick each others' brains in. However, in this case, the threat to our chocolate-loving national security is too great. What if a copy cat thief follows suit in the US?
Accordingly I call on the Biden Administration to take these steps immediately:
Nationalize the National Guard to protect all Easter M&M's (it's the only time of the year you can get the pastel colored ones, and everyone knows when he popped out of the tomb, first thing Jesus did was find a stash of the pastels that only melt in your mouth. At least, I think that's a loose interpretation of the scriptures).
Release reserves from the National Jelly Bean Stockpile.
Get Congress to Build The Wall! Except not on the southern border; this one around the supermarket aisles containing chocolate bunnies. Oh, and those Marshmallow Peeps. They were my favorite as a kid--the yellow ones. Pink represents the degradation of civilization.
After Lent, the next time you're chowing down on your favorite candied snack and contributing to the national obesity epidemic, no need to thank me. It's all part of the Tuesday Blog's commitment to community service.