HAPPY 25th OF THE TWELFTH


Happy 25th of the Twelfth

You don't have to be overly observant to see the PC police are working overtime to stamp out any signs of religion in the "holiday" formerly known as Christmas. It is only a matter of time before the carols I so enjoy become warped beyond recognition. Gazing into my crystal ball, here is what I see.


White Christmas--on its face, blatantly racist. I never knew Bing Crosby was a member of the Proud Boys. The new version will be "Monochromatic Christmas."

Then there's "Frosty the Snowperson", because let's face it, sexism is not the sole province of Harvey Weinstein.


Silent Night is so insensitively charged. It was written by Germans, you know (maybe Austrians, but it's the same thing). The new and improved version: "Evening for Those Who Are Hearing Impaired and Cannot Fully Appreciate the Silence."


Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is so fraught with illiberal instincts, it must be banned, because no amount of re-working can save this Gene Autrey hit. The message of bullying, making fun of one's physical handicap, and disrespecting of animal rights as the unwitting Rudolph is forced into the servile carrying of a sleigh that could never fall within the limits of the Highway Department's trucking scales are just crying out for correction.


That's not the only one that will be consigned to the trash heap of history. How about "Have A Holly Jolly Christmas"? Remember the line, "Kiss her once for me"? Talk about unwelcome advances. The very thought of it conjures up images of Prince Andrew. Eew!


Speaking of perverts, who in his (her) right mind could possibly sanction "Santa Clause is Coming to Town"? "He sees you when you're sleeping; he knows when you're awake." Really? No wonder Saint Nick is so jolly. He's a voyeur peeping Tom. Away with him!


Last, I look forward to enjoying a robust rendition of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or For Those Not Religiously Inclined, a 25th of the Twelfth". The lyrics are kind of cumbersome to work into the melody, but at least we've come full circle.


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