GOOD PARENTING LESSONS

Here are a few nuggets worth passing on to the next generation.

1. Always listen to the wise advice your wife imparts to the children. Examples: “Don’t make that face, it will freeze”, “Eat everything I put on your plate”, and “If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?” OMG, I married my mother!

2. Letting the kids do acrobatics off the fold-out couch is not a good idea when the sofa is next to the aquarium.

3. Fish can survive six minutes outside the aquarium.

4. Travel time to the emergency room is 12 minutes.

5. Crayons do not do well inside the dryer.

6. Check pants pockets before placing in the dryer. Crayons inside pants pockets do not do much better.

7. If you are not conversant in English, “Because I said so” are the only four words you need to know.

8. Helping with homework is hard. Invent a time machine so you can go back and do it better the first time around; then you will be better prepared to help your children.

9. The Third Commandment (prohibiting profanity) only applies outside the parent-child relationship.

10. For any toys requiring assembly, first procure a degree from MIT, and second, embrace the ninth rule above.