WHEN YOU GET TO HEAVEN, I SHALL GIVE YOU...HEAVEN!

February 17, 2017

- novelist and tax expert

 

Here are the Lord’s point-by-point (supposed) reply to my  posting yesterday of bones to pick with the Creator. 

  1. Do you think Jesus yukked it up in Gethsemane? How we face tribulation tests our faith. Suffering, illness and death are rough, but in the scheme of things they are a small price to pay for eternal salvation.

  2. It is only by virtue of your limited perception that I move in mysterious ways. By the way, speaking of Agatha Christie, where do you think got her God-given talent?

  3. Without bad people, there would be little appreciation of goodness. The way darkness makes you appreciate the light.Besides, I am looking to you to convert the bad.

  4. See number 3. I am tasking you with converting the umbrella stealers. By your example you shall change them. In the meantime, take along a second umbrella. They are flimsy things anyway.

  5. Remember “Do Unto Others”? would never use a mulligan where your salvation is concerned.So why should you want a mulligan to harm your enemies?

  6. Wait. Wait. Wait. You complained earlier that I do not physically manifest myself and now you decry the fact that the Bible contains too much revelation? Come on!

  7. You still don’t get it. See item 3 above. Love thy enemies. The early Christians did not fight back against their persecutors…and the entire Roman Empire ultimately accepted Christianity.

  8. All animals contribute to the ecosphere. Moreover, giraffes are a beautiful species. Do you have any idea what they have to say about you?

  9. As pointed out above, darkness sharpens our appreciation of light. Part of the reason Christmas is so special is precisely that it is a short season. If Christmas occurred every day of the year, after a while it would lose any significance.

  10. You can’t hit a fast ball either. There’s only so much Me-given talent to go around. In addition, remember the parable of the talents. The person with one talent is expected to exert as much positive, charitable effort as the one with ten talents. Contrary to one of your human sayings, it’s about the money.

Look, I get it.  People have questions about the eternal verities, and while they may at times seem incomprehensible, there is a reason they are “eternal verities.”  By the way, thanks for the laugh. 

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