WHY BASEBALL DOES NOT MAKE SENSE

June 8, 2016

- novelist and tax expert

As a long-suffering Mets fan glued to last fall’s coverage of the playoffs, some of the absurdity of the national pastime was glaring.  Consider the following ten examples.

  1. Discussing the Mets turnaround from 2014 and 2015’s 90-72 record, the commentators repeatedly stress that the team was “18 games above .500.”No. No, they were not. There are 162 games in a season, and if a team plays .500 ball it will post 81 wins.Thus the Mets were 9 games over .500.

  2. In Game 2 of the NLDS, Michael Conforto hit a ball off the foul pole which was correctly ruled a home run.  Query: why isn’t it considered the “fair pole”?

  3. In Game 1 of the NLDS, Corey Seager hit a ball which bounced into the stands. It was ruled a ground rule double. Ground rules are those unique to a ballpark, as where a batted baseball becomes lodged in Wrigley Field’s ivy. Since there is nothing unique to the ballpark where Seager hit his ball, shouldn’t it be deemed an “automatic” double and not one attributed to a“ground rule”?

  4. Referring to the catchers, the commentators refer to the player donning the “tools of ignorance”.  Inasmuch as in the 2015 season more managers by far were former catchers than any other position player, why the disparaging reference?  Is that an editorial on the acumen of the manager class?

  5. In NLDS Game 3, much was made of Curtis Granderson scoring five runners, that is five batted in. So why is it called five RBIs and not five RsBI? Did Grandy achieve five run batted ins?

  6. When Daniel Murphy , then with the Mets hit one out of the park, I scratched my head. Not at Murphy, who was clearly in the zone. Rather, when I attend a game there are signs welcoming me to the “ballpark”. Unless Murphy’s blast goes out of the stadium, doesn’t that mean he hit one out of the field of play, but not out of the park?

  7. A hard hit line drive is called a “frozen rope.” Unlike the batted ball however, a frozen rope does not move. Trust me. Freeze one and try to rope a calf with it.

  8. The ball tossed among the infielders is thrown “around the horn.” But there is nothing horn-shaped apparent to the naked eye and the only musical instrument perceptible to the senses is an organ.

  9. A player comes to bat four times and walks each time. In the box score he had zero “At Bats.” I suppose it is a Houdini trick, now you see him/now you don’t.

  10. The geometry is flawed. The announcers speak of the baseball diamond, but that ignores the outfield configuration. Actually the field is closer to cone shaped (or geometrically speaking, a diamond circumscribing a circle).

It makes you wonder how a nation with so sophisticated an education system can resort to such blatant examples of ignorance.  Well, excuse me while I stick more pins in my Chase Utley doll.

 

 

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